Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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