my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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