I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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