we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
