he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
