Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
