I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
