She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
