You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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