Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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