I like to think it a success when the cops are called
No stitches, just platelets and will power
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
