Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
