Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
