Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Randomize
