You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
