I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
