thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
