And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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