fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Randomize
