she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
