were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
