If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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