Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Randomize
