just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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