I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Randomize
