i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
