:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
