We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
You made out with two different species that night
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
