The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
