I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
