I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Dignity is for republicans.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
