The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
