If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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