hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Enjoy the penises
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
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