i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
