I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
