5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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