I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
