guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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