swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
