i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
