I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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