Nicole vs. Life
I am full of burrito and curiosity
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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