he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
