remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
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