You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
