Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
it glows. i had to have it.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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