did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
