I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I'm getting married
To pizza
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
