your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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