someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
