I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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